but nobody reads this. so.

three years later, i’m still yearning for your approval

i’d do anything for your acceptance.

i’d do anything for your forgiveness.

regret is something i can’t learn to get over

that seems to be the pattern of my life

reminisce, regret, reminisce, regret

you know i regret breaking up with you

you know i regret hurting you

you know i was practically forced

into doing what i did. and really

i didn’t want to do it, but i did anyways

and that’s what hurts the most.

what hurts the most is that i never wanted to hurt you

but ended up doing so fully aware that i would definitely hurt you

what did you tell ben? what do you tell your new friends?

do you tell them the truth? do you tell them your truth?

because i know your truth. i’ve heard your truth.

ben told me, ‘oh yeah, you and him. y’all went out only for a week, right?’

wrong. did you tell him it was ‘only a week’?

did you tell him you broke up with me?

did you tell him that you never liked me in the first place?

because that seems to be the perspective that ben’s seeing.

if i could, i would hate you. but i can’t

because in my mind, you’re still the person three years back.

you’re still kind and sweet and caring.

but when i open my eyes, you hate me, and i pretend to hate you

only i don’t. i should though. i have every right to.

you said yourself, ‘i have a prejudice against asian girls’

well. i don’t have a prejudice against sri lankan boys,

but i do have a prejudice against douchebags like you.

or i should. because inside

i still want you to stop hating me.

maybe forgiveness is too much to ask

but i still want to be your friend.

love,

your past.

wordpress does

so i’m using this blog as my therapy journal

and tumblr as my normal blog

so if you can’t see any posts, it’s because they’re all private

haha.

anyways, here’s my saner, more sober blog:  http://helloitsyellow.tumblr.com